Words Matter

I do a lot of driving, and to keep myself occupied, I to listen to podcasts. I am a self-proclaimed Podcast Junkie. Most recently, 2 of my favorite podcasts are We Can Do Hard Things, hosted by Glennon Doyle (author of Untamed--an amazing book, I highly recommend it), and Unlocking Us, hosted by Brene Brown (she's written many books, and I recommend them all).* Recently Brene Brown released a new book so she was not only interviewed on her own podcast (by her sisters) but also on WCDHT. Needless to say, I've been "fan girling" all week. 

Listening to these episodes got me thinking about the words we use. One of the topics that came up in the podcasts was the importance of words and how we select and use them to describe our lived experience. The words we choose can affect us in so many ways, whether we are speaking them out loud, writing them down, or just thinking to ourselves. Words can describe what we are feeling and experiencing in our lives, and how we experience what is going on around us. Words can excite, demean, create connection, create betrayal, and they can also help us understand what we are feeling. I am a very kinesthetic person, so I tend to feel things before I understand them. Putting the right word or words to a feeling is important when it comes to processing an emotion to let it pass through. If we can't label it properly, it's hard to let it go and we get stuck. If we can't describe our felt experience, how can we understand it and how can we share what we are feeling with someone else?

Subtle changes in wording can make a difference in our behavior as well. The difference between "I can't eat sugar (or whatever you are trying to avoid, if anything)" and "I don't eat sugar" is something you can feel in your body. "I can't" elicits the rebellious teenager in us, where we just want all the sugar. "I can't" creates a feeling of deprivation and lack, where as "I don't" is simply a statement of fact. It's much easier to avoid something you are choosing to avoid if it is just a statement that you don't eat it. Vegetarians can eat meat, they just don't. It's not that they can't, they choose not to. 

When someone says "I'm sorry you feel that way" if you were hurt by something they said, it doesn't feel like much of an apology. They are not owning their part of the situation, they are somehow apologizing for your feelings, which isn't theirs to apologize for.. Instead, if someone said "I'm sorry that what I said hurt you," that feels like your feelings matter and are taken into account. They are owning their part, and not your part. Both phrases contain "I'm sorry" but what they say they are apologizing for is very different.

When you are speaking to yourself, what types of words do you use? Do you speak kindly to yourself? Are you judgmental? Are you loving? Are you downright mean? The words that we say to ourselves also matter, as they either reinforce our stories (even if they are false) or break down our stories. Nobody hears our self talk but us so if you are mean or judgmental, you are harming yourself. It's hard to feel good when there is a bully in your head. Are your criticisms even your own? Did you take them on based on something you heard as a child or at some point through your life? So what if you gained 5 lbs over Thanksgiving, or if the presentation you gave wasn't perfect. Do these things make you a bad person? Definitely not. Who is doing the judging and why? Is the judgment even true? 

The past is done, the future is not set. All we have is this moment. In this moment, use your words to say something kind and loving to yourself. Maybe write a poem or a song. Maybe write in your journal and ask yourself why you said such hurtful things to yourself. Then use your words to uplift yourself. 

You deserve it. 

*Both podcasts can be found on Spotify. Brene Brown is exclusively on Spotify, Glennon Doyle can be found on other podcast platforms as well. They are amazing, though provoking podcasts. If you are a Podcast Junkie like me, these are 2 to add to your list!

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